Ever notice that sometimes you – or your partner, or someone you work closely with – are caught in reactions that torpedo things, but which you or they can’t seem to stop? And other times you (or they) are in great shape, clear and effective, connecting to people and ideas? Those two distinct ways of beings are called “modes,” and we can choose our better ones more often, if we know how.

The “how” is in my wife Tara Bennett-Goleman’s new book, Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-Defeating Habits. She’s drawn on several strands of understanding about upgrading the human mind, from Eastern psychologies and mindfulness, to neuroscience and cognitive therapy – and even some lessons she’s learned from studying with a horse whisperer.

I’ve found her analyses of what can go wrong in our lives, and how to put it on the right track, personally useful, and helpful in my relationships – and marriage. It’s made me more mindful of how I’m being, and by giving me tools for changing in the moment, helped me stay on a better track.

For coaches, Mind Whispering offers a new template for working with your clients, and a solid menu of methods for helping them. Same for counselors and therapists – and anyone who wants to improve their life in general.

Tara and I will be giving workshops on Mind Whispering in the next few months in Lenox, MA; Minneapolis; Los Angeles; the San Francisco Bay area; Rhinebeck, NY; and Oxford, England for those who want some hands-on experience with this new approach to working with our minds.